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Post by jamnah22 on Nov 15, 2008 10:19:09 GMT
It's Saturday.......what happend?...............
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Post by Catherine on Nov 15, 2008 10:25:03 GMT
It's Saturday.......what happend?............... Oh, Jim! Sob!! Caveman told me in a pm that I was pencilled in for a gratutious sex scene on Friday............he never showed.............still, my Darling Man can show a girl a good time...Oh! What a night you can have with a REAL big boy
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Post by Catherine on Nov 15, 2008 10:29:35 GMT
Jeez oh! Now Jim's fecked off......it must be me!!! I'll go and freshen up, perhaps that's it!
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Post by craigiedee on Nov 15, 2008 11:25:15 GMT
TART
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Post by Catherine on Nov 15, 2008 11:55:56 GMT
He didn't stand me up!!
I have just spent the last hour extricating Caveman from the clutches of Scotland's finest at Cop HQ! It suddenly dawned on me........THEY MUST HAVE HIM, he would NEVER renage on a gratutious sex scene - THEY HAD TO HAVE HIM!
Through the imposing portals I swept, at full Mayoral tilt - WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH HIM? I demanded imperiously. The 12 year old policeperson rang for reinforcements - the came helter skelter into the office - WHERE IS CAVEMAN? YOU FOOLS - HE IS OUR ONLY HOPE!!!!!
Evenin', Ma'am, intoned an almost intelligent looking boy in blue - d'you mean the guy we lifted in Sausageroll Street for indecent exposure? WHAT??!! Yes, Ma'am, he was only wearing his favourite sabretoothed tiger mankini - he was frightening the drunks and homeless folks.
Oh, Cavey, you were wearing that for me - I had it especially made by the exotic seamstress Sarah de Carlo and flown in from Bedrock - just for you!
Look, you have to let him go - too much is at stake, Hot City NEEDS Caveman.
Let him go? Let him go? I think not Ma'am.
DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM? I am Chris's Sis!
And......Ma'am?
I used to fancy Ted
And.....Ma'am?
FFS! I'M WITH THE BAND!
Band, Ma'am? Which band would that be Ma'am? he smirked.
Well, not the phuckin' rubber band, ya choob! The Sensational Alex Harvey Band!
He just kept smirking.
Look here, you stupid jobsworth, Chris Glen has the great good fortune to be my brother - now let the Caveman go free!
The cop's smirk froze his left eye twitched - You are Catherine Glen? That's what I said, phuckwit.
Then the light dawned - Caveman had been FRAMED!
I drew myself up to my full 5'2" - RIGHT!
One by one, I quickly smote them down - YOU - you're a cheeky phuck - YOU - you're ugly and yer Mammy dresses ye funny and as for you!!!!!NEXT! For Chrissake! A Japanese dancin' polis - stiletto heel in scrotum - YAY!! Syonara, arse! One puff from a full fat Marlboro and the last one fell.
From the dank cells, Caveman had heard the cafuffle and had sprung the bars on the door - CAVEMAN - CAVEY!!!!!
I'm here, Catherine, least said, soonest mended - back to the Buff's Bar......oh, and Catherine, thanks, you were great
Aw, shut the phuck up Cavey - duty calls.........into the hostile night they stepped................................the mankini not QUITE covering the Caveman's humungous genetalia.........
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Post by jamnah22 on Nov 15, 2008 12:14:23 GMT
Catherine your as mad as Cavey................but did he get his leg over?..........
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Post by penny on Nov 15, 2008 12:44:32 GMT
Catherine, thats fantastic!
You need to write a story of your own.
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Post by Catherine on Nov 15, 2008 12:45:42 GMT
Not over me, Jim, not over me.........my heart belongs to another........
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Post by hef on Nov 15, 2008 12:53:47 GMT
The work of a genius...or a mad woman....frighteningly funny either way
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Post by Catherine on Nov 15, 2008 12:54:22 GMT
Catherine, thats fantastic! You need to write a story of your own. No, no Penny, this is Cavey's story - I was merely trying to conceal the terrible hurt of being stood up - why would I even consider cyber straying, when I have Darling Man.......... just then, from the shadows, out stepped Zal - scarcely recognisable without his make up - and his trusty henchman, my own, Darling Man - perhaps an odd name for a superhero - but who would ever suspect someone so named of having a punch like a piledriver and a deep loathing of all things unfair........Oh! My Darling Man, breathed Catherine, as she fell into his strong arms. His lips bestowed a butterfly kiss on her bejewelled hair........he lifted her and Zal - Cavey! c'mon, he said, as back to the Buff's Bar they made their battle weary way......
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Post by Catherine on Nov 15, 2008 13:11:54 GMT
It's ok Big Man, I'll walk, said the Zalmeister, from his undignified fireman's carry situation - No Way Cool As, said Darling Man - you're gonna need your strength - your adorable Rachel hasn't seen you since 6.30 and she's pining for you. Nimble as a cat, Zal sprang from the giddy height of the big man's shoulder - I can't wait, he said, march on!
Darling man cradled the Lady Catherine tenderly, she leaned her lovely head against his impossibly broad, manly chest...oh, Darling Man, she breathed, when no-one else can understand me, when everything I do is wrong; you give me hope and consolation - you give me strength to carry on; I guess I'll never know the reason why you love me as you do - that's the wonder - she wiped tears of pure emotion from her beautiful blue eyes - the wonder of you!
I'll walk too, we must be strong - she paused to inspect her glossy scarlet calf Jimmy Choos for damage - not a mark - YAY!! But wait! She's got a hole in her stockin' - but she MUST keep on rockin' the night away..........
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Post by victor55 on Nov 15, 2008 16:14:06 GMT
......My God, Vic thought "a week " nearly a week since Cavey had sent samples to be analyzed-and this-now this! Christ ,the evil that men do-It had taken this long for the final data to come in and the news was horrific -the sampling was conclusive; the remaining components were from Maltesers-the drugs were being introduced to an Unsuspecting public thru the common malteser! This news would spread panic though out Great Britain and even Crook - but what of Ginnie? this was the" end all" this would change the natural order of things throughout the world- Ginnie was working innocently on the liner notes for the SAHIBstock DVD when he stumbled upon the code;and he successfully translated most of it, but there was only one man capable of unlocking the final passages and he has gone missing-where was the Caveman?Lady C had been sent to find him but news from that end had been slow and unclear, as if distracted from her mission,but that was most unlike her-the only thing known to throw her off was her "darling man:" as she put it. "The Press" Vic thought "ill go to the press"-after all , he had gained credibility nearly a year ago reveling the real reason for there being no lights on the Christmas tree-"but No" The Caveman- he had to get it to him to unlock the final passage- The world must know who really was- the man in the jar....
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Post by Catherine on Nov 15, 2008 16:21:29 GMT
Safely back at the Buff's Bar, Cavey rallied the troops - Ginnie has the key, we need to think this one through, what would Alex have done?
The Children of them Colonies are right - Caveman MUST find........the man in the jar.
Everyone had heard of him but no-one had ever seen him - only Alex......and his conclusion was that HE must be the man in the jar!
Had Maxxxx inherited that honour?
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Post by victor55 on Nov 15, 2008 17:21:16 GMT
"Maxwell's' a pimp"said the Caveman"He never could have out sung Alex"his gaze turned from one of revelation, to a cold steel rail."What I didnt realize until today was-that it was Craigie Dee all along""Once a Tart..." He turned slowly to T.K " I want inquiries made""Its about time I put this malteser thing to rest""and one other thing" 'Sure boss, anything you want"replied T.K-.fully knowing what was to come- and that reality sent a shiver down his spine-"tell The Sarge I need him now"a dreadful silence spread over Buffs Bar, they knew once the Sarge was brought in-The same Sarge that initiated The Great Stone Shortage of' 72- That there would be hell to pay ,and now;-now it was time to collect..........
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Post by Catherine on Nov 15, 2008 18:00:52 GMT
Cavey wa so wrong about Maxxxx - he who had been framed five long years ago - but someone close to Maxxxx may well be the culprit - the gear was in the Maltesers, so light, you'll need new ways to be naughty.......someone able to tinker with innocent candies, perhaps in the line of work, and still get away with it.......NO!
It HAD to be! Cavey, croaked Catherine, crushed by this conclusion, Cavey, the beautiful scientist, Helen, she must be a double agent - after all she lives among the English - and she has the facilities and every opportunity, oh, Cavey, how much more can we take?
They were no nearer to knowing just WHO was the man in the jar.
Penny and Rachel were horrified - not Helen, surely not Helen - this must be another stitch up - it HAD to be
Hey, guys, boomed BIG Hoggy, we need to move on.......
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Post by penny on Nov 15, 2008 18:20:57 GMT
Can we have a vote that Catherine is promoted from Lady Mayoress of Vibrania to Queen of Vibrania please?
Victor for Mayor?
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Post by hef on Nov 15, 2008 18:40:38 GMT
Can we have a vote that Catherine is promoted from Lady Mayoress of Vibrania to Queen of Vibrania please? Victor for Mayor? Aye (so long as yi promise no tae call me a sad moo again Catherine)
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Post by Ginnie on Nov 15, 2008 20:19:43 GMT
I just hope the story doesn't split off in two different directions. That would be hard to follow. ;D
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Post by craigiedee on Nov 15, 2008 20:45:07 GMT
Batman did
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Post by helen on Nov 15, 2008 21:33:52 GMT
You're all insane.
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Stu
Junior Member
Sensational
Posts: 88
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Post by Stu on Nov 15, 2008 23:24:50 GMT
lost me
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Post by caveman on Nov 16, 2008 0:03:55 GMT
The youngest Sahbster , Wee Declan, has demanded my attention guys, he sends his apologies, and knows that you are all cooler than a Penguins nutsack, he says his Grandad is to get back on the ball tomorrow, hey the wee fellas wish is my command!!
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Post by thetomahawkkid58 on Nov 16, 2008 0:11:00 GMT
;D it's great bein a grampa ;D
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Post by victor55 on Nov 16, 2008 0:13:47 GMT
"Insane!-you're all friggin' insane" blurted Helen;" I've always been loyal to Vibrania!" Havent I always lived by Vambos' Rool?" The Caveman was inclined to believe her, but what tp beleive?who to beleive?Even Ginnie had his doubts on where his loyalties lie. Just then.................xxxxyyyy74hnkkf00kmex
OK- I'M DONE..- COME ON CAVEY ITS BACK TO U-ALL THIS THINKIN MAKES MY BRAIN HURT!!
LEAD ON.....(please)
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Post by Catherine on Nov 16, 2008 10:34:52 GMT
You're all insane. I really hope that's not your best alibi, beautiful lady scientist - Cavemen HAD to get his thought processes back into top gear and we gotta get outta here, fast, fast.....Helen was surely being framed......there was a stool pigeon in their midst.....was it the man in the jar?
Released from his duties as best undercover Cave Grandad in the known world - Declan, so young, already knew he HAD to let his Gramps save Hot City........uggy! ug!! gurgled the Cavebaby - Go! Grandad! GO!!!!
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